Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
