It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
