have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
