He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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