sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
