I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
