Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
