I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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