Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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