i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
