I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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