She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
