what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
