How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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