I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
