I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
