I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
