I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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