i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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