the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
