Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
