sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
