Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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