He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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