Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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