do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
