youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
