I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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