Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
