I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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