hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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