don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
