im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
