Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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