I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
