Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
