Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
