Umm I'm too high to move.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
