i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
