My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
