we have officially lost it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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