Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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