Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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