I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
