So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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