He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
