im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
