Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
