I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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