u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
from now on my penis is your penis
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
