There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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