Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
