so explain again why im purple
no
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
