do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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