Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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