So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
