ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
