i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
