oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
