I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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