Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
