i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
