Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
