mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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