the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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