I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
