so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
