Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
