He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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