why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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