I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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