Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
