I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize