dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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