Pregnant stripper...not hot.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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