i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize