i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
