worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
