Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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