Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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