Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize