So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
