and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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