she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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