I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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