I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
