I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
