I haven't been this sober since birth.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
