Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
