I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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