Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
