dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
