i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
