I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Floor bacon is actually really good
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Shame - the story of my life.
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