So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
