I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
