he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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