I wish I could punch you in the face.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Less talking, more tequila
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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