So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
