Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So drunk its hurt
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
