how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize