I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
